Everything in me wants to give up on things right now. Maybe it’s the string of cloudy, gloomy days, or maybe it’s the short days, or maybe it’s that resources are tight while needs are high, but I’m way off my game. I’m forgetting things more than usual, I’m hyperfocused on things that aren’t helpful (like past mistakes), and I’m just kind of in a funk.

In the past few days, I’ve been reading stories from students about homelessness, fights, drug abuse, gun violence, and other traumatic events. I want to just take them and envelope them in a giant hug and give them some granola bars and apples or something and a warm, super-soft blanket. I hope it’s enough to give them a quieter, calm place to write, talk, and reflect a little.

I want to just stay in bed all day. I want to just watch escapist movies and media. I want a break from making decisions every minute of the day, then worrying that I made the wrong decisions. I want a minute or two without a racing mind. I really want to eat a bunch of sugary, fatty food and not give a shit. But I want my clothes to continue to fit. I want someone else to deal with my paperwork and bills – like, I’ll pay them, but I want someone to just do the paperwork part. It all feels so heavy. I just want to give up.

I’m not giving up though. Seven school days until winter break. Then the days start getting longer. It’s going to get better.