My brain has been rushing a lot lately – like, my thoughts are flying through my mind at such a fast speed that I can’t really keep up with them. They are pretty random lately, too. More random than normal. For example, if I’ve done anything awkward or embarrassing or “wrong” to any of you, I’ve been reliving that and feeling guilty/anxious at the most inopportune times. I’ve replayed moments from my classes last tri, knowing that I could have done better and wishing that I could go back and redo it.

The result of the brain overload is multifaceted: I am forgetting things and losing things more often, but I am also hyperfocusing on things more than I typically do, too, mainly as an escape. I need to find time to let my mind clear and decompress. However, I usually can’t control the racing thought process or choose what I’m going to focus on, which means I’m pretty much just along for the ride right now. Luckily, a lot of the focus has been on school stuff, so my work is going well.

I am trying to be very patient with my students who have the same problem and often ask me to explain what I’ve just taught right after I’ve explained it very clearly. I have been there and it sucks to be there because it’s embarrassing that you didn’t hear what was just explained. Sometimes phones are the distraction, but even if I made the decision not to explain it again to a kid who was on their phone while I was explaining things, then what? They are just going to sit there without doing anything and that would lead to being even further behind and lost. I’m still responsible for helping them learn and grow, and I, of all people, know how hard it is to keep it together and stay focused on instructions. I don’t even need a cell phone or anything to get lost in a class – my own racing mind is enough distraction. It’s frustrating, and it’s real.