Today went better. I no longer want to give up. I did better at putting things in perspective and after I got done being angry and frustrated, I realized some of the ways I could have done better yesterday. That was heartening, because I felt like I was struggling for answers and wasn’t finding them.

It helped that I got a lot of positive energy from a lot of kids today, including a former 9th grader who came by after school, poked his head in, and said “THIS IS MY FAVORITE CLASS JUST SAYIN’!!” And I asked him what he was reading in 10th grade English. He said, “we just got done with Lord of the Flies. It was all right. It was no Romeo and Juliet though.” I laughed.

I got some positive feedback from places I didn’t expect it, too. It was still a challenging day, but I got some support. And more importantly, I felt understood, which is what I needed most.

It’s easy to feel alone in teaching, especially when I’m traveling between buildings and I don’t have a prep time to seek out help. It’s especially tough because I’m still learning the tacit knowledge of the culture and subcultures I’m a new part of. I am now learning the unwritten rules of two different schools and I sometimes struggle to transition. It’s getting better and I’m getting better.

Tomorrow I’ll get up and hopefully my throat won’t hurt anymore or as much. I’ll go back and learn some more and teach some more and try to be gentle and understanding.