Today was overall a good day. I had some amazing conversations with my 7th graders about a story we read, and I finally got a kid who is clearly depressed (for lots of good reasons) to genuinely smile and laugh. I am having a good time with my Legends class learning about the “monomyth” and archetypes while watching Wonder Woman and analyzing the connections to and digressions from both the archetypes and the Greek mythology we studied. My surly Composition kids were genuinely interested when we used some computer-based revision apps and add-ons… it’s almost like they didn’t believe they had any issues until they saw it from a computer program. I got to show them stuff that they thought was really useful, which feels good when it seems like they don’t find class useful in any way.

Then there was the one thing that went very badly and pretty much ruined the day for quite a while. Instead of getting the planning and grading done that I desperately needed to, I was stuck trying to mentally work through what had happened, how I should respond, where I could go for support, and how I should move forward. Maybe most careers are like this, but it seems like if and when I ask for help, the scrutiny will be on me, as if I’m not trying all I can to do a great job.

I used to be scared or too proud to ask for help. Now, I see it as normal. I can’t know or do everything. If someone else is in a place where they could help, I want to ask. We always tell our students that it’s okay to ask for help when you don’t understand something. Sure, do your own research and try to find the answers on your own first, but if you are genuinely stuck, ask me for help. I feel genuinely stuck with some of the challenges I’m facing right now, but I’m not sure where to go and I don’t want to be “that one.” I’ve done research, tried a number of different strategies, tried reaching out to whomever I could think of, but I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. It doesn’t help that I’m feeling afraid of judgment if I ask for help.

I’m trying to give myself a break: I’m not going to be amazing every single minute and sometimes things might come apart at the seams. I’m trying to convince myself that I can get back up, dust myself off, and go back. I’ve had to remind myself of all the good moments and realize that the tough moments were really just a small part of the day. Today was an over all good day.

The issue is that those short, intensely negative moments have an oversized impact on my mood and I need to find a way to reframe my thinking or refocus my attention on the bigger picture so I don’t get lost in the negative. Because there is good most of the time.

So tomorrow I’ll go back. I’m thinking about how I can do better and stay positive. Today was rough. Today I didn’t want to keep going. Tomorrow I’ll find some way to deal with it.