I have reverted to what is “normal” sleep for me, which apparently means going to bed at 1 am-ish and waking up around 11 am. I need more sleep than most people – I feel best if I’ve gotten at least ten hours a and I LOVE sleeping in.

The problem is, life doesn’t work like that and people do things in the morning and people expect me to be up so I can do things in the morning, which means I start expecting myself to get up and do things in the morning, but I don’t want to and I don’t feel like it. Then I feel guilty because I didn’t get up early enough, even though “early enough” is a standard put upon me by the rest of the world (well, and my kids too, sort of).

I also worry that I’ll be all out of sorts when I have to start going back to school. Which I will, for a while. But does that mean I should make myself stay in a schedule that I don’t want to be in? Like wake up for waking up’s sake? I’d get up, take a shower, have some breakfast and coffee, then think… huh. I’m tired. I think I’ll go back to sleep. And I would, and then I’d sleep well past noon because there is no hunger to wake me up.

I would like to get to a happy medium, where I get up between 9 and 10. That’s not too early, but it’s also not so late that everything is thrown off. If I could get myself to go to sleep by 11, I think it would be doable (and I’d get my 10 hours or so). Thing is, I want to read and think about stuff at that time, or make art or watch stuff on YouTube or something.

I know these are first world problems. I know this isn’t the most pressing thing in life, or even in my life. But here I am, awake at 12:30 am, thinking about how I need to get up early in the morning (gotta take husband to work; car issues), but I’m not especially tired. These are the everyday things.