I share my ADHD with the world. I am super-open about it; I’ll answer any questions as long as I know the answer. It’s a major part of my life story and it effects everything, but no one can see it. Invisible issues, like ADHD, ASD (sometimes), depression, anxiety, and other mental health or brain-based differences, end up swept under the rug in a lot of ways: out of sight, out of mind. I can’t speak to all of these, but I can shine a light on ADHD.

I am open about my struggles and triumphs with ADHD because I want to demystify it for the other people in my life. Neurotypical people don’t understand what it’s like to live with a brain like mine, just like I don’t really understand how neurotypical people can maintain a planner. I want to show others that while I’m quirky, absent-minded and a little disorganized, I’m smart and creative and hard-working and good at what I do.

I am also open because my students with ADHD and other issues deserve to know that people with severe ADHD can be successful and smart. I don’t make a daily issue out of it, certainly, but it is part of my introduction to my class and to myself, just one part of who I am, next to the art, writing, and banjo playing. When I tell them, I can see eyes perk up with understanding or surprise. Kids will open up about their own struggles and I can empathize. So many kids have told me that they appreciate having someone who can understand where they are coming from.

I’ve been the kid with the messiest backpack in class who once forgot an open chocolate bar that then melted into every crumpled-up piece of paper. I’ve felt the shame of forgetting or losing or not completing another assignment, even though I didn’t mean to. I’ve felt the embarrassment of forgetting another appointment or email I had to send or important piece of communication. I’ve asked for second, third, fourth chances and been told “you just need to be more responsible,” like it’s something I hadn’t considered. I’ve felt the disappointed glares, “well, do you have a planner or a notebook where you just write down everything?” Like I haven’t thought about that, like it’s some new invention that people with ADHD haven’t heard of ever. WOW, THERE ARE PLANNERS!?

I wish I knew ways to help my students. I do, but they are hard to explain to neurotypical people because the ideas I have don’t always make sense to neurotypical people.

First of all, there’s the pharmaceutical issue, and I can’t gloss over this because it’s really important. Here’s what you normal people need to know about the drugs: they really alter our minds, and sometimes it’s not in a good way. My medication is amazing: it gives me opportunities I didn’t have before to interact in the world. It took forever to find the right one, though, and it’s still a struggle sometimes. Medications I took when I started trying them out included one that gave me heart palpitations and the shakes, one that made me really outgoing and a little crazy, one that literally made me sit and stare, one that was really effective but dried out my mouth so much it literally hurt, and one that put me into a depression when I came down off of it. I hated that part of my life. I had seen a glimpse of what it was like to have my brain slow down, but nothing was working to give more benefits than drawbacks. It was frustrating and at times it still is. I understand why kids don’t want to take the medication because it messes with our minds. Helping kids through the medication trials and tribulations is a must for them to be successful. That said, the medication has made a huge difference in my life for the better. I am a happier person because I can engage on a level I wasn’t able to before, and I hope that other people with ADHD can come to a point where they are happy.

One thing that has been effective for my students with ADHD is a “bag check” – that is, without any negative evaluation or complaint, go through every single piece of paper in the bag. Not just the folder, but the entire bag. Make a pile of “to do,” “to turn in” (because I guarantee there are things that are done in there), “needed” and “throw away.” I think taking pictures of the “needed” pieces and recycling them might be a good strategy – kids lose papers, but the phone is less likely to go missing. The bag checks have to be done about once a week or so, because they will inevitably go back to the wild. It’s what we do. I have a backpack I use to carry my things, and it’s wild. But a regular bag check helps.

IMPORTANT: YOU CANNOT PASS NEGATIVE JUDGEMENT DURING THESE CHECKS. Joking a little can make it less terrible, but sighing and saying “WHY haven’t you turned these in!” makes the entire thing terrible and the kid is not going to want to do this every again. Trust me, he or she feels guilty enough. You don’t have to make it worse.

If a kid is having trouble with organizing their thoughts, get a notepad or a note card and just have them talk to you. As they are talking, take notes about what they are saying. Ask questions to get them to expand on ideas or explain what they are thinking. Then, tell them what you heard. Talk a little bit about how you organized your notes or thoughts as they were talking, then ask if that sounds like a good way to organize the paper or whatever. Modeling organization of ideas with them – again, without judgement like “why don’t you get this?” – is super important because we can’t always organize all the thoughts flying around in there. It’s really hard because sometimes our brains feel like there are 286 tabs open in three browsers and about 7 of them are autoplaying different videos or ads and there’s no way to figure out where the hell everything is coming from!

Post-it notes are a god-send for ADHDers. I use post-its all the time. In my ideal world, I have a wall or something near where I work to put all my notes up. When I’m done with a note – like, if I go to a meeting – I pull the post-it down and throw it away. Keeping a little post-it pad and pen or pencil around is really useful.

I have to finish, because this is the end of basketball practice, but the one thing to remember with ADHDers is drop the shame and blame. It doesn’t help. We already feel inadequate and terrible about ourselves. If you want to help, find a way to set up micro-goals that kids can accomplish and help them organize. Eventually they’ll slowly get part of it. I promise.