I’ve had pretty good days so far. I’ve been hyperfocused on planning classes and learning what I need to learn in order to be a relatively-effective teacher starting on Monday. I haven’t been keeping much track of the dates or days, I’ve been so focused.

But today, things went sideways. The morning was great: I got most of my work done and I went outside in the sun for a litte bit. Then after my last video-meeting, I got some sort of migraine or something. Maybe it’s the six years of screen time I have every day. Maybe it’s internalized stress. I’m not sure. The emotions kind of hit today.

I’m angry. I’m angry at the people who could have mitigated this earlier. I’m angry at the lies and mistruths coming from the President and his cronies. I’m angry at the situations so many people find themselves in – people who are “essential” working at Fleet Farm (just as an example) selling lawn care stuff for $13 dollars an hour and potentially exposing themselves to this virus. I’m angry that I can’t stop eating everything in the house. I mean, I probably could but I’m not and I’m angry about that too. I’m angry that my head kind of hurts all the time and my carpal tunnel is getting worse. I’m angry because I can’t take my kid to a playground on this beautiful day.

I’m exhausted too. I can’t sleep and when I finally do get to sleep, my husband’s alarm goes off because he has to go to work still. Essential. Then I fall back asleep only to wake up to my own alarm. Exhausted.

I finally crashed. I found myself sitting in front of my work computer, staring at an email screen even though I have no new emails, zoning out completely. I tried to lay on the couch for a few minutes, but I felt sick there too. There’s an eye twitch. I’m breaking out like a teenager again and no matter what, I feel gross. I have the sniffles sometimes from allergies. I didn’t get a haircut before all of this went down – I was planning to get in there during spring break or so, but then this all happeed – so my hair is long and annoying. Ponytails are a thing again. I want to just cut it all off. Nothing feels comfortable.

I took a nap and it seems to have helped. I might go to bed early, but that doesn’t mean I’ll fall asleep. Maybe I will. Maybe I’ve finally hit that point of depletion that my body wins the fight for sleep over my racing mind.

I don’t have any idea about how to end this blog post. Wash your hands, stay at home if you can, social distance is now a verb. The end.