I have been really careful about what I’ve been eating for the past couple months. This has meant a lot of changes in how I feel, how my clothes fit, and my relationship to food. I feel better, I have more energy, I know I am being healthier.

But.

Today I was really hungry and craving the hell out of a Bic Mac at McDonald’s. I don’t know why – maybe the stress recently? I’ve actually been craving it for a few days, but today, the cravings finally won. I scarfed it down and it hit the spot. I think it’s the sauce I had been craving.

Here’s the thing: I’m hungry again. I ate more calories than I probably had earlier today, but it didn’t last for three hours. What? Seriously, that’s messed up. I don’t know enough about food and the body to understand why it feels like that, but it sure doesn’t make sense to me.

I expected to feel bad, since I hadn’t eaten junk like that in a few months, and my expectations were generally met. I feel kind of bloated, but still hungry, and what’s really weird is I have a bit of a headache. The headache could be from general tension and stress, but I wonder if the food was a trigger.

I will probably crave fast food again, and I will probably cave in again. I hope that by doing a full body scan and paying close attention to how I’m feeling tonight, I can commit to memory why it’s a bad idea to cave to those impulses. I feel better when I make better choices. You’d think that would be enough for me to avoid the crappy food, but it’s not because I’m too 1) impulsive, and 2) forgetful. So I need to constantly remind myself of things that seem like second nature to typical people.

Bad food makes me feel bad. Get that into your brain, Robyn. Bad food equals bad feeling.