I’m stressing out about how I didn’t get done what I wanted to get done this weekend. I had to leave school earlier than I usually would (by hours) because the debate tournament started. That meant that I wasn’t able to get my weekly planning done on Friday before leaving, which threw me off.

Then, when I got home on Friday, I decided to take a nap because I was exhausted from an emotionally draining week at school. I figured I would get up and do my planning after a nice rest. That rest turned into an all-night thing. I was tired.

Saturday, I thought I would wake up and go to the farmers market, go shopping for my niece’s birthday, then do my school work. I did wake up at 8, but later back down because I was still a little tired. I didn’t wake up until after 11. Then I had to hurry to get some chores done, eat, and go shopping. After that, we ran to Costco and Target for groceries and by the time we got home, I was falling asleep (see yesterday’s blog). I went to bed.

This morning, I thought I could get up and get some things done. Instead I slept until 11 again. Dak woke me up to go to the birthday party. I came home from the party early to get some work done and sat down to plan for a few hours – the hours I missed after school on Friday. Once that was done, the fam was home and decided to order pizza. After dinner, I sat down to finish up a few things in planning. It was 7 pm by then. I needed to give Annika a shower and get myself ready for tomorrow.

Here I am at 8:45. I need to settle my mind, so while I could probably drink some caffeine and stay up and grade for a while before bed, I would feel like crap tomorrow and that would set off an entire bad week.

The essays have become a sort of mental block for me too. I know that if I get started, I’ll finish them quickly, but finding the time to start is the problem. Maybe I’m making excuses. I wish I had a prep hour; that would help. Being able to stay at school last Friday would have made a big difference, but I can’t control that. I don’t know.

I hate the part of this job that makes me compromise my family time and mental health to do it effectively. I need to find a way to feel okay with not getting everything done right now.