One thing about ADHD is that sometimes my mind is swirling with so many thoughts and ideas that it’s impossible to keep them straight. At times like that, I kind of shut down and look for distractions for my mind: reading blogs, looking through twitter, playing a little iPhone game, listening to a podcast, laying in the dark, whatever can occupy my mind enough to get the swirling thoughts to take a back seat (they never fully go away when this is happening, they just get eclipsed enough to feel better). It looks like I’m tuning out–because essentially I am–but I’m not avoiding life or responsibilities so much as I’m avoiding my own overwhelming thoughts.

Today I have a million things on my mind. These are just a few:

• Bullying in middle school – what does it look like from a teacher perspective? What can you do when it’s that under-the-radar bullying behavior, a nasty comment here and there? What do you do when the kid turns it at you, the teacher? It’s a really weird occurrence, like, whoa, kid, what’s going on in your life that you would behave that way towards other people? What reward is there? It’s really different from what I’ve seen in high school.
• My one class of cool seniors is doing a mythological creature debate tournament and today got heated! There was a tie between two of the creatures (the griffin and the kitsune) and we all looked at the tally with stunned silence: what do we do now? This was for a spot in the quarter finals. I love that class. I’m going to miss them after the trimester is over.
• I’m learning so much about different ways to deal with teenagers. It’s so easy to get bogged down in a tough day (and trust me, I’ve had numerous and gotten into the bog), but I’m also growing as a teacher and hopefully finding new ways to get kids engaged with class. I wish I could be more specific about this because it’s taking a lot of my mental energy to think about it, but I also need to keep things private.
• I am learning to let things go and let things be more. I am terrible at letting things go. Anyone who’s been in an argument with me might understand that. I had a sort of epiphany the last couple days watching some of my coworkers dealing with difficult behaviors and I’m trying to reorganize my way of thinking about my work to incorporate these new ideas. I’m a work in progress.
• The last time I made bean chili, it didn’t affect my tummy and guts in the, ahem, traditional way. This batch wasn’t as lucky. What did I do differently? It’s so delicious and healthy, but oof. It’s hard to have a tummyache or even worse, gas when you’re a teacher. Damn.
• Some fucking Trump worshipper sent a bunch of bombs to people and none of them went off because he is clearly not an explosives specialist, thank God. Another dude shot people in a Kroger’s, killing two, after being thwarted trying to enter a black church during a bible study meeting. The “president” is acting like a petty narcissistic douchebag, which isn’t a surprise, but it just seems extra gross today. Why the fuck are they chanting “lock her up” about Hillary Clinton two years after the 2016 election, just a couple days after a psycho sent her a bomb? How the hell does anyone with a heart or brain still support this? I have lost a lot of faith in people in the past couple years. The only “good” thing to come out of this shit show is the word “vanifesto.” Perfect term for his van.
• It’s the middle of the debate season and I don’t miss it in the least. That is a huge surprise for me. I’m still thinking about what that means.
• I HATE menial, repetitive tasks. Dishes, paying bills… they take NO effort, but for some reason, they take ALL my mental energy.
• Today I had a progressively better day as the day went on. It was good to leave the high school feeling good about how all three classes went today. I’m sure there will be other days I leave frustrated and feeling like giving up. I’m really glad today wasn’t one of those days.
• My husband is great. He puts up with all this stuff, makes delicious food, and doesn’t get angry with me when I am being avoidant. I’m super lucky. He’s the best.

It kind of helped to lay out all those. There’s more, but Annika convinces me to turn on a podcast as I’m finishing this up and now that some of these things are out of my mind, I am starting to settle down and get tired. Good, because it’s late.