I’ve been overwhelmed by things that are just always kind of there under the surface, and I was thinking maybe making a list of stuff on my mind would help, but I keep forgetting to make the list. Tonight I remembered just as I was laying down to sleep and hey, I haven’t done my writing yet, so I’m killing two birds with one stone.

We want to move, so I need to go through stuff and I am NOT good at getting rid of stuff, so that’s stressing me out.

I am scared about going back to school this year, probably because it’s the first time I’m starting a new school year somewhere different from Forest Lake and I don’t know what to expect for the beginning of the year and it feels weird. I don’t know exactly what my schedule is going to be like either, but I think I’m teaching at the middle school, then at the high school and that’s scary too.

This is the first fall I’m not going to be coaching debate, as far as I know right now. I don’t really know what to do with that. It’s been a part of my life for so long and as annoyed as I get with the good ol’ boy network and the power struggles, I do care about the activity and believe it’s important to kids.

So many things are up in the air, so I’m avoiding it. Usually I’ve known what I’m going into before the school year, but this year I’m not sure. I tend to be pretty flexible and I keep telling myself that no matter what it is, I’ll be fine. I’m going to learn a lot regardless. But I’m really anxious.

I’ve been lonely too. I think social media exacerbates the problem – so many people are on these great trips and doing cool things, and I’m just trying to keep it together at home. I miss going out, I miss my friends, I miss my colleagues… I just feel lonely.

I’m trying to spend time working on my art and doing things with my kids, which has been good. Annika and I have spent a ton of time together this summer, and I really cherish that. I guess I’ll try to focus on those positive things, the cool projects we’re doing. Still I wish I could get my head into a good place where I’m ready to go back into the school year in a few weeks.

This wasn’t so much of a list, but it did help me put my worries in order. It’s kind of weird: when I write my anxiety down, it’s like I can let it be because it’s on the paper (or in this case, the blog) and I can relax because I’m not going to forget or lose anything. Almost like it’s literally out of my head.

Here’s the picture of the day. It goes with the theme and lowers the ads.