My lower back muscles decided that this would be a good time to spasm really badly, meaning I can’t walk or even sit very comfortably. I’ve been laying around, icing my back (which is helping) and just hoping for a miracle that I can walk tomorrow without too much trouble. I don’t think it’s sciatic nerve related because it’s not shooting down my legs, so that’s really good. I figure the muscles will relax a bit eventually, and in the meantime I can try ibuprofen and ice and stretching.

I really should be doing some strengthening exercises. I feel like if I was a little more flexible and a little more strong, maybe this wouldn’t happen? It’s been a long time since I’ve had lower back pain, so I don’t know. Either way, stretching and strengthening would be healthy. I’ve gotten pretty out of balance with eating and exercise.

The thing is, I’m having a lot of trouble with motivation. In the past, when I’ve realized how bad my habits have gotten, I’ve generally been able to find a way to motivate myself to find ways to be better. Right now, I find I just don’t care. I feel like it could be depression – I do feel down about the world at large – but I think I generally have the depression under control so I don’t think that’s playing a huge role. I’m busy, so eating badly is a lot easier than eating well. I’ve never been a good planner for anything, and it seems like planning is an integral part of eating well. I don’t know if these are excuses. I don’t want to just make excuses. But I do think the mix of depression, impulsiveness from ADHD, busy-ness, and inability to plan well doesn’t help my health level.

I’m just going to focus on the immediate: getting my back to calm down and stretching as much as I can. I’ll do what I can with what I have.