I have gotten lots of comments in my life about not wearing makeup or doing other things that many people consider a requirement for women in public. Most of them have been negative, even if they are said in a positive way. I have heard of doing makeup as “self care,” like if I don’t do it, then I’m not taking care of myself.

It’s possible I’m not taking the best care of myself (it’s actually pretty probable – I like cookies and pizza and pasta and sitting around). But my lack of makeup has nothing to do with being depressed or not taking care of myself. It’s actually really simple: I just don’t like doing it. My face feels itchy and uncomfortable and I can’t touch my eyes or scratch or anything if I wear makeup. If I wear lipstick, I lick it off accidentally and it gets on everything I drink out of or eat and I have to reapply it. Yuck. I hate how it looks when it’s half removed because I took a drink of my water, which I do about every two minutes. I’m always impressed by people who can do their makeup flawlessly and keep it that way for more than two seconds. I can do the makeup part – it’s kind of fun – but then I feel gross for the rest of the day, and I can’t ignore it because I am not very good at ignoring anything ever.

Hair products are the same way: I have tried them and I can use them, but I just don’t like to. I wish I could just go bald and look good; maybe do a crown up with henna or something. I hate how my hair feels with any product in it and again, I can’t ignore it because I can’t ignore things. So I try to do it the best I can without actually doing much, and I generally feel good that way. My fingernails are the same way – I can paint them, but I’ll immediately start to pick it off because “hey, there’s something to pick at!”

Clothing is distracting too: buttons that don’t quite sit right, tags (OMG TAGS), zippers, sleeves, shirts that kind of ride up a little over the day, socks with seams that sit under my toes, bra straps that slide down and anything tight at all… I can’t deal. I can’t focus, I don’t feel good, I can’t ignore it. Heels are out of the question. Pretty much anything that counts as “professional” doesn’t work for me for more than an hour or two. I can pull it together for a little bit, but it never lasts.

Some people think it’s because I’m a super-feminist who doesn’t buy into beauty culture, which is kind of true in that I’m a feminist, but kind of not because I don’t really care about how other people dress, wear their hair, or do up their makeup. If it makes them feel good, then I feel good. Besides, women can do amazing things with their makeup and hair. I wish I could do those things and feel comfortable, because lots of people look great all made up and gorgeous. I wish I could do those super-cute fingernails with all the accoutrements and glitter and gems and stuff. I probably could for, like, part of a day. After that, though, I fall back to my simple, no-makeup, no-hair product, no-fingernail self.

So I think a lot of people get the wrong impression. I think makeup and hair and fingernails and everything is cute as hell. I just don’t have the patience or focus to do it. I feel better just kind of going natural, even though it isn’t the standard of beauty or what people expect of women in the workplace or in public in general.