A few things about ADHD brain: first of all, if something is out of sight, it’s out of mind. Literally. I will buy a salad to fix and put it in the front of the fridge on the shelf, but then Dak will put it into the drawers. The drawers in the fridge are like memory holes. I forget they even exist. Then I’m looking for something to eat and Dak is like “Well there’s …. in the fridge” and I will be totally confused until he clarifies “in the drawers!” I hate drawers. I need a super-wide fridge that is only a foot deep and like 6 feet wide or something and NO DRAWERS. No hiding places.

This is why, when I have to take medication, I keep it sitting right out on the counter. If I don’t have it there, I won’t take it. I need it to be right in my face. Same thing with mail. I just learned that there is a whole bunch of mail I haven’t opened sitting upright against the edge of a hutch in the kitchen. I had NO IDEA. Dak says he told me. He probably did at some point. I don’t remember it at all. I’m scared of it.

This is the second thing about ADHD brain: stupid simple things cause me to have immense shame and then hide my head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich. Like mail I haven’t opened. Or bills. Or cookies that I was supposed to help Annika sell during the official sales time period but then it was cold and snowy, so it was hard to sell them, and then all of a sudden, we had like $300 in cookies that we hadn’t sold. So I avoided the issue like crazy. It’s a terrible habit. I wish I could figure out a way to stop that shit.

Another example which is actually pretty funny, but super sad. We tried Blue Apron ages ago, but decided not to actually continue. I tried to figure out a way to cancel my subscription, but I couldn’t find anything easy, so I’ve just been passing on the weekly deliveries, probably for 6 months now. Maybe more. I should figure it out, but at this point, I just feel dumb. I will figure it out, I’m sure. But why this has become so difficult is beyond me, but I know it’s really common for people with ADHD.

It affects my health, too, which is pretty problematic. I was supposed to have a very small oral surgery to make sure a crown would fit well. I was supposed to have it, like, 2 or 3 years ago maybe? I still have the temporary crown because 1) I’m scared of this surgery, and 2) at this point, I feel like an idiot for not doing it, so I’m not doing it. More. I should probably call my dentist and just fess up, but how do you even do that? Ugh.

These two things are really frustrating. I hate forgetting things, but I do it all the time because when it’s out of sight, I don’t think of it. Then I bury my head in the sand and avoid it. Because that always helps, right? Blargh.

Maybe this is the first step to changing these behaviors in some way? I am acknowledging them. Admitting you have a problem is the first step, right? As GI Joe might say, knowing is half the battle or something like that? Whatever. It’s late-ish and I need to be a good teacher tomorrow so I should at least go to sleep tonight. I suppose I’ll deal with it tomorrow. Like everything.