Today, I have written every single day for two months. I am 1/6 of the way through the year (I know February has fewer days, but let me have this one). It might be the most committed I’ve ever been to a project that requires sustained daily effort. I mean, aside from taking care of other living things, like my kids and my pets. Plants are iffy.

I have ideas throughout the day of things I’d really like to write about, but they rarely make it through to the time when I actually write, which is usually just before bed. Writing at this point of the day has a few major drawbacks. First, I’m tired. Like, right now, my eyes are half open and they are glazed over so I only focus in about every sentence or so to see that the words are actually coming out the way they probably should be. I’m sure there are typos galore in this blog. I’m trying not to let that get in the way of the actual writing, though, because if I started getting too picky about proofreading and all that fun stuff, I probably wouldn’t keep it up. I do proofread a little bit, sometimes, but for the most part, I just kind of go and hope I don’t make a total fool of myself.

At the end of the day, I am completely immersed in my ADHD brain, too. At the beginning of the day, I’m tired and while my brain is still doing about 13 different things, they are usually simple things. A good way to understand my consciousness is to consider that I have multiple channels coming through at the same time, and in the morning, each of the channels is usually pretty chill. One channel might have a George Michael song on repeat, while another runs through the important things I need to remember to do and collect before I leave the house, and still another is thinking about a lesson or something, and another is focused on my little sore on my foot that keeps bugging me.

When I take my medicine, it’s like putting a mute or lowering the volume on some of those channels. It helps.

But by the end of the day, the medication has run its course and with all the different stimulation during the day, all my different brain channels are back on and they are amped up. One channel is thinking about what I could have done better in that one class, another is thinking about how I can help that other kid, another is thinking about all the different school shooting and gun control articles and comments I’ve read and how they fit together, another is thinking about what I have to do tomorrow, another is listening to my son play guitar, another is irritated with my sore elbow, another is thinking about the Twitter trends I was reading before, another is thinking about what it would be like to be a dog with fur all over. This doesn’t even include the different inputs from my cold feet, the dry patch on my left pinky finger, and my stomach which has had reflux kind of bad lately.

As a result, I often hit the writing without having a very clear focus, or if I do have a clear idea of what I want to write about, I don’t want to actually start writing about it because it’s too late at night to do it justice and still get an adequate amount of sleep.

Maybe this isn’t the place for those longer types of writing, although if it isn’t, where is the right place? Maybe it’s just that it’s the school year, it’s been February, I have eight million things going on, and a scrambled-brain ramble blog is all I can produce at the moment. Maybe that’s enough.