The flu has arrived in my household. I feel terrible for Anders and terrified for myself, which is really selfish, but also really appropriate, considering the end of the trimester is next Thursday and I have so many things I have to do before then. I also feel worried for anyone else who we come in contact with, because the flu is pretty rough this year. Anders is handling it well; he says it’s yucky but not THAT bad. Hopefully his healthy body fights it off quickly and it doesn’t stick around.

Today I came home after school, ate dinner, and sat down in bed to warm up under the blankets. I promptly fell asleep. I slept until just a little bit ago, when I woke up to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. Staying up to watch ice dancing yesterday may have, in hindsight, been a poor life decision. I didn’t sleep especially well and then I had a lot of work today. I did pretty well until there was chatter about budget cuts and I tried to keep a rosy perspective, but honestly, the uncertainty took over and I had a full blown panic attack.

I’m blessed to have great coworkers, one of whom took over at the last minute’s notice and sat in with my writing kids. I went to the nurse, who check out my blood pressure and pulse (both super high), and I sat for a while. It felt like I couldn’t breathe, like I was going to pass out. I hadn’t realized just how anxious I am about things.

I’m really excited to have a new start at Roseville. I love my students, I love my coworkers, I love pretty much everything I get to do right now. I’m starting to put down roots, connecting with kids in different ways and making plans for next year… which suddenly seemed really tenuous. I would be heartbroken and I don’t know what I would do next if I were to be cut. It’s pretty weird since I’ve only been there for one and half trimesters, but I feel like I fit in and I am generally understood. I don’t want to leave, and I hope my colleagues want me to stay.

Tomorrow I am staying home with Anders. It was the “best” day this week for me to stay, given my school schedule. I hope I get motivated enough to do some work from home. I hope he gets to feeling better. I hope everything works out.