Seriously. SERIOUSLY. Why is it such a drama for teenagers to sit next to someone who is not their friend? You would think I was sentencing them to 100 years in the gulag when I ask them to sit in a specific place.

I tried letting them choose where they sat each day at first. Typically I haven’t had too much trouble letting them do that; they fall into a routine and always sit in the same spots anyway, and I have a seating arrangement for subs if needed. In the past, wait time or a count down or a clap or two would get their attention well enough. Ha.

Perhaps it’s because I don’t have a total understanding of different systems in the new school yet, or maybe I am enough of a “new kid” that I’m going to be tested more than usual, but letting some of my classes sit by friends was not working for them or me. They were not able to stop talking or messing around. I was frustrated because I couldn’t teach and we would get behind where we could have been. I would have to repeat instructions far more than appropriate, largely because of distractions.

So I implemented seating charts. It isn’t really my style, but it worked. For a few days. Then, kids started shifting seats. At first, it was just trading sides of the table. Then, it was trading with a kid at the next table. Eventually, the only kids staying in their assigned seats were the ones who didn’t actually need assigned seats in the first place.

Every day I need to remind the same kids that they need to stay in their assigned seats because they actually can focus and learn better if they aren’t by their friends. “Please! It’ll be fine!” No. “Why is this such a big deal!?” Because I want you to be successful. “Why are you such a …” They always trail off. I always count to 5 in my head before responding, mainly because saying “I’m a bitch because you make me be a bitch and apparently that’s the only way you actually respond, so bitches get shit done” isn’t really the best idea if I’d like to stay gainfully employed.

Worst of all is when I say a kid’s name and he ignores me flat out. It’s infuriating. I feel like the white-hot flames of fury begin to escape my ears when this happens. I need some strategies for dealing with it, because it’s practically in some kids’ “power struggle” play book and they pull that shit almost every day. This happened today and it was a good half-hour before the adrenaline began to subside. I hate being purposefully ignored for a performance of power. This almost always happens with boys, and it seems like toxic masculinity at work.

I think I do an okay job handling it for the most part, but I am open to any strategies my friends and fellow teachers have. I’m certain I’m not the only person this has happened to. How do you handle this situation? I’d like to be better at this so that I can move into more important things more quickly when it happens, and I’d like to be able to understand and frame it better because it does really make me angry inside, which doesn’t make for the most kind and patient teacher.

Please don’t read this as a bitch session, although in some ways it felt good to vent a little bit. The truth is, I want my students to feel comfortable where they sit and learn, and I want them to be capable of paying attention and learning. I know this isn’t always possible when you sit next to good friends. I wasn’t capable of staying focused sitting next to friends. I still have trouble with it. I know it isn’t due to bad intentions; it’s just extroversion and fun. I want to find the best way to serve kids AND keep my adrenaline level relatively stable throughout the day so that I don’t leave feeling angry and defeated.

Teaching well is hard.